Moonchild

She dreams of city lights and a bright escape

Not knowing that’s always been her fate.

Moonchild, pulled towards the gleam

Never losing sight of chasing her dream.

She feels lost in the midst of her fast paced world

Waiting for a balance to create its swirl.

She dreams of calming waters and open skies

Creating the feeling of a trusted pair of eyes.

Moonchild, waiting for her fire to ignite.

Darling, you’ll be alright

this is just the walk of life.

Black Box

 Black box: a device, system or object which can be viewed in terms of its input, output, and characteristics without any knowledge of its internal workings. Its implementation is opaque. Almost anything might be referred to as a black box: a transistor, an algorithm, or the human brain. 

    Though, perhaps biased from my passion in anatomy and medicine, I believe the human brain to be the most interesting black box of all. I, for example, am a walking contradiction. No doubt due to the inner mechanisms of my mind. 

The small town girl with the big city fire glazing in her eyes.
The indie hipster hidden inside of mainstream media. 
Lips sipping martinis from rooftop bars, but do not shy away to shotgun a beer.
I am the simplicity of a piano, and the electricity of a guitar. 
My mouth speaks it’s mind, yet still I find myself losing the emotions I long to express. 
Eyes glancing through Cosmopolitan, only to then read Emerson.  Ambitious drive competing with an attitude that can quickly fall to lackluster.
I am controlled and wild. 
The philosopher inside of the scientist. 
Classy and tacky, brazen and reserved, conservative and liberal; but amongst all of these things, most importantly I am me. Individuality is beautiful.

Welcome to my black box; may it be everything you expect. Or perhaps, nothing you expect. Either way, may you be entranced.

Wellness Wednesday

Happy Mental Health Awareness month!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong relationship” -Oscar Wilde

Jean Watson is a nursing theorist I particularly admire because her Theory of Human Caring so beautifully reflects the role of a nursing in caring for others, but also emphasizes caring for yourself. Self-care is an integral part of healthcare as it will help clear your mind, improve performance, and allow better care of patients. 

In the wake of tough work weeks, life stress, and a lion attitude in a caged environment- I needed to take a little time to myself. I recently took up the practice of a bit of meditation, gratitude, and journaling. I’m not dropping my career to become a new-found life coach, but these practices certainly have offered improvement in my life. I find that taking some time each day to reflect and be grateful, it seeps into other moments of my thinking. My brain becomes a little more saturated with sunshine, offering growth of flowers where I once had weeds.

Something happened when I started making small changes. Other small changes occurred. “Small changes lead to big results”, the butterfly effect, physics concepts- who knew they all had some validity to their popularity? An extra work-out here and there, a moments grace every now and then, and a quick smile at a stranger all build up to a better sense of self-love. Not just a superficial sense, but a true this is a good life sense.

Though pushing lavender oils in the face of low staffing rates upsets me, there is something to be said for encouraging a moment of relaxation, even if only a deep breath. 

Take care of yourselves. Make sure your friends are okay. 

What it’s Like to be a Taylor Swift Fan

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a long-time Taylor Swift supporter. When I say long-time I mean opening up for Rascal Flatts and Tim McGraw on the radio kind of days. In fact, my best friend and I would recreate home videos of Taylor and Abigail (Thankfully, I’m struggling to find proof). 

With this “Swiftie Stan” title I have amongst my family, friends, and peers, I often get questioned about Taylor. Now, I am a proud swiftie and will happily defend Taylor. That doesn’t mean I swoon at her every move because I believe in constructive debate as well as discussing people’s actions. 

Does Taylor need me to defend her? Obviously not, she is marketing genius that has a career of accolades in itself, enough Grammy’s to distribute to BTS members, and awards that prove her strengths lie in commanding a stage and effortless lyricism. 

But, I do defend her. 

I do this because Taylor Swift has cultivated a relationship with her fans that parallels no other artist and fanbase I know. She plays games with her music videos because her fans love the pursuit. The cat-mom of three loves the cat and mouse chase of clues as much as her fans. Taylor trusts her fans. She invites countless groups of fans to her house hosting a listening party for her music prior to its release. She spends hours before and after concerts meeting as many people as she can because she values the people who have been a catalyst in her career. All of this without charging a dime for meet and greets.

“Ok, Taylor Swift loves her fans, we get it. Let’s talk about how problematic she is.”

Enter the age of “cancel culture” deemed by the rise of social media and its oversaturation of opinions, harsh reactions, and vulgar comments hidden behind the shield of anonymity. Most people who want to argue the success of Ms. Swift want to do so by arguing points made popular by “traditional media” longing for headlines to earn clicks and views. 

Taylor has had a career of longevity with a team that has been there for the rise. That sort of loyalty would not be present with a vexed and controversial client. Taylor has a diverse team of dancers, background singers, and band members. She brings many upcoming artists to her shows and sings their singles with them, giving them a generous promotion all while just celebrating two musicians having fun on stage. Has a mistake been made over the course of growing up in the public eye? Of course, but if you’re expecting a young adult to have life figured out to a polished degree of perfection, your priorities might be out of order. 

I don’t think anyone with a public career owes it to others to discuss personal matters and politics, public career does not need to be synonymous with a public life. However, I do think those with a platform that do not speak up are missing an opportunity. Taylor speaks out against racism, sexism, bigotry, homophobia, and encourages young people to vote. In true Taylor fashion, she does it in a sophisticated way. Taylor promotes voting based on integral points: doing your own research, your values, and most importantly being active in your local community. 

Taylor as a philanthropist is another topic that deserves a personal essay in itself. All I will say is that the singer-songwriter clearly cares about music, the arts, school funding, medical catastrophes, and sexual assault awareness. For those that want to argue “put your money where your mouth is”- she does. Taylor has often been seen visiting kids at hospitals, without the camera and PR stunts, fights a public lawsuit to show that these topics matter. While her actions show just as much as her money, philanthropy is an integral part of society because it provides opportunity and the opportunities that have been provided from Ms. Swift’s charitable donations are immeasurable.

Through all these words, acts, and life in the public she’s given up her privacy, her diary entries, her ability to seek asylum in a coffee shop without anyone knowing her name. She’s opened her heart and at times been ridiculed, shamed, and discredited by people who know nothing about her.

All that glitters is not gold, and music is subjective. However, my particular taste lends its ear towards the painted imagery Swift creates. 

Her music is the poetic piano ballad, grit of a guitar, and the synth of a soundboard.

It is the blind belief in true love and the loneliness of a vast New York City skyline.

Her music is the celebration of friendship, respect of loss, and rush of love.

It is a smile that flashes across your face when you think of an old friend.

 Her music is recognizing your reputation and realizing it doesn’t matter in the value of your self-worth.

It is poetry through melody, gaining its power when the words leave the paper and transcend is someone’s mind. 

Thank you, Taylor.  For all that you give.

Songs for the Week

1. If You’re Gonna Lie – FLETCHER Wonderfully intertwines the anger and pain of losing someone with the sadness and guilt of begginging them to stay. A poppy plea that feels personal even if you can’t situationally relate. 

2. ME! -Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie Even with the tongue and cheek spelling bit, Ms. Swift and Mr. Urie will be the sound of your summer showing you that self-love anthems always reign on top. 

3. Bad -James Bay Hauntigly beautiful. Lyrics that hit close to the heart with a voice that makes the cut sting a little bit more.

4. Kids – Lennon Stella/ Joshua O’Haire Remix (MGMT cover) Covers are often hit or miss for me, but I respect anyone who will take a song they love and put their own spin on it. Lennon Stella, best known for her role on Nashville with her sister Maisy, has a voice that encapsulates you. Her recent EP “Love, me” deserves an essay of its own. Nonetheless, this song takes you back to childhood nostalgia with a tone of appreciation, melancholy, and cheer all wrapped in a calm synth remix.

5. Handmade Heaven -MARINA The first track to part one of a double album. Great introduction offering a Florence voice with a Lorde production, all while making it her own. 

6. when the party’s over -Billie Eilish Stacked harmonies and a simple melody take a backseat to let the lyrics speak for themselves.

7. I’ll Never Leave You -Braison Cyrus Hear me out on this one. Yes, this is Miley Cyrus’ brother. Braison has an obvious Bob Dylan influence to his music and his tone, and it works for him. Well written lyrics and a performance that holds it’s own in the delivery of said lyrics.

8. Black As Night -Nahko and Medicine for the People A go-to song for me as a mid-week pick me up or a wonderful song to provide relaxation. Nahko constantly delivers the kind of authentic, genuine lyrics that make you feel like you can strive for greatness in your life.

9. Cellophane -FKA Twigs Another beautiful simplistic song about a troubled relationship, this one comes with a stunning visual narrative as well as that combined with the music sets an example of wonderful artistry.

 10. Doubt – Mary J. Blige Great song for your difficult days, pushing you through your week on a Wednesday or celebrating your strength on a Friday. Mary J. Blige delivers a vocal anthem that empowers without overwhelming. 

Some current and some old songs that I’ve been loving recently! Enjoy the week and maybe and some new songs to your commute, morning routine, or an afternoon walk!

Listen to the Crickets

“There’s no easy way of asking and I already know what he’s gonna say, but maybe he just needs to say it so I ask him anyway. Are you scared? Louis doesn’t even lower his voice when he says “Fuck yeah!”

I listen to a nine year old boy say the word Fuck, like he was a thirty year old man with a nose bleed being lowered into a shark tank, he’s got a right to it and if it takes this kid a curse word to help him get through it, I want to teach him to swear like the devil was sitting there taking notes with a pen and a pad but before I can forget that Louis is nine years old he says: “Please don’t tell my dad.”

He asks me if I believe in angels, and before I realize I don’t have the heart to tell him, I tell him “Not lately,” and I just lay there waiting for him to hate me. But he doesn’t know how to, so he never does. Louis loves like a man who lived in a time before god gave religion to men and left it to them to figure out what hate was.

He never greets me with silence. Only smiles. And a patience I’ve never seen in someone who knows they’re dying. And I’m trying so hard not to remind him, I’ll be out of here in a couple of days, smoking cigarettes and taking my life for granted. And he’ll still be planted in this bed like a flower that refuses to grow, I’ve been with him for five days and all I really know is Louis loves to pull feathers out of his pillow, then watch them float to the ground, almost as if he was the philosopher inside of the scientist ready to say that its gravity that’s been getting us down. But the truth is –there’s not enough miracles to go around kid, and there’s too many people petitioning god for the winning lotto ticket. And for every answered prayer there’s a cricket with arthritis.” 

-Shane Koyczan, “The Crickets Have Arthritis”

I thought I would start an introduction to this blog with a quote from one of my favorite poems. It is a spoken word poem from the incredible Shane Koyczan, and the power of the words resonate much more when you listen to the performance. Much like the power of music, finding its power when the words leave the paper and transcend in someone’s mind.

I work in healthcare and often see the sad realities to both of these worlds. This excerpt so poignantly showcases the juxtaposition of the fragility of life and the robust quality as well.

This blog has no agenda other than to share my thoughts and feelings and perhaps gain some perspective from others who may enjoy discussing music, arts, and medicine. Here’s to all the dreamers inside the scientists, enjoy!